Hi my name is Adam, (Hi Adam) and I’m an alcoholic
I’ve been sober for, well, I’m still drunk , from the night before
A half empty glass would be analygous and quite symbolic
Of how my life is now and how I’m trying to be more
It all started when I was 15, school dance with Eric
We thought It’d be more fun, by slugging some rum
The complexity of how I got hooked is esoteric
Simply put it began soon as the booze hit my toungue
We took 3 shots to begin and chased it back with some juice
We looked round for masking agents and found some gum
15 minutes later I started to feel real loose
And all the pains of being teenaged began going numb
We headed up to the dance quickly walked right in
Was feeling more confident then I had in my life
Found a girl the real party was about to begin
To cut the sexual tension between us you’d need a knife
Took her behind the bleachers, started kissing her neck
I’d been eyeing this girl for about 2 years
She asked if I had a rubber, I thought what the heck
she started kissing me and nibiling the lobes of my ears
Now I’ll spare you the details of what happened next
Fuck it, I was in heavy rounding third base
When a teacher came round the corner looking perplexed
I pulled my pants up and sprinted the fuck out of that place

Scratches about booze
I need AA


So now I’m 18, and I’m heading off to college
A place where binge drinking is finally accepted
Too hungover to make classes to gain the knowledge
It would seem that my goals in life were entirely misdirected
From what I remember, which at this point ain’t much
I spent most of my first year in an alchy daze
It seemed I becoming completely out of touch
With my goals and my life had become an alchy maze
By my third year, I was a functioning alcoholic
I could drink all day and night and still do well in class
Although everything to me had become melancholic
I need to learn the hard way falling flat on my ass
So one day I decided I would throw a party
Sent out a campus email inviting all my friends
Got wasted started hooking up with this Barbie
So what happened then, well it all depends
Some people say I was kissing her when it happened
Others will tell you that I was getting head
Either way one thing is clear, when I was tappin
I puked all up on her face while we were in the bed.


Got a job after college, I was sort of happy
To most around me, I seemed to be doing fine
But inside, I knew my life was sappy
My drinking problem was still always right on time
I’d meet a girl, some how I’d fuck it up
I say something bad or come on way too strong
was as if by 25 I was out of luck
I couldn’t quite place but I knew something was wrong
At 27 I attended, my first and last meeting
Was surrounded by losers with no self control
I mean I could tell they were weak right from the first greeting
When I saw myself, I felt like I had no soul
Was empty inside, apathetic, those around me
Didn’t know how bad it was or what to really think
Seemed like there were less and less friends to surround me
But I didn’t give a shit, I’d just sit back and drink
So hear I am today, speaking words of wisdom
Proving you can’t teach old dogs new tricks
So what if I’ve proven to be a failure of the system
I’m waiting for some tonic miracle to get fixed
I made a goal, I would try to stop drinking
I’d give myself a month, to try to keep on the wagon
3 weeks later, what the fuck was I thinking
How else am I suppose to drown out this girls naggin’
She sits across from me, yapping throughout our first date
I’ve dated some doozies, but god this chick was dumb
Waitress comes to take our order, I think it must have been fate
I ordered a salad, and then 5 shots of rum